"Neighborhood Summertime Adventure" - Time Out #203

Since Our Town is now in the heat season of the calendar, I thought I would offer readers a brief belly laugh, or at least a broad grin?

The setting for this recent, unintended humorous event was our southwest neighborhood, and the major participants were my bride, Debbie, our two, pride-and-joy, 4-legged family members, and your faithful scribe, me.

Simply referred to as "The Boys" by Ms. Debbie and me, their formal names are Spanky and Tux. The former is a male, fawn/white French Bulldog, and his partner is a black/white male pug. Both are just now 2-years-old, and are also occasionally referred to as the Big French and Tiny . However, I must add, my bride is constantly attempting to elevate our 2 fellows to rock star status, via her social media postings. Oh, well, that's another column.....

On to the hot story, readers in Our Town and far beyond.

The scene is about a month ago when the 5 p.m. regular sun and regular heat was 97-degrees, and because of all the rain we had had the past few months, the dreaded heat index was 106-degrees! Because of this hazy, lazy summer afternoon, yours truly was taking his usual upstairs, short, power nap in our homestead, when Ms. B. shouts upstairs to sleepy-eyed me. She had just returned home from a shopping outing, to quickly find our front door was wide open, and our 2 boys had made a "jail break" outside into the oppressive afternoon heat. It didn't take me too long to realize I was the dope who hadn't secured the front door properly, allowing our 4-legged companions access to the great unfenced outdoors! Wow, did I quickly switch to overdrive mode, as I fireman-style, threw on my shirt and pants. I then raced out the open door! Because Spanky and Tux are two "push face" dogs, heat is their wicked enemy, so I knew time was critical in locating them outdoors.

News flash---NO footwear had been acquired by me. BIG mistake!!

I took about 11.35 running strides on our front concrete driveway, when my foot soles realized they were on "fire"; it was probably hot enough to fry the famous egg on our flat concrete pavement. I sprinted (?) back to my bedroom closet, grabbed a pair of pull-on loafers off the shelf, and resumed my frantic dash out the door, and down the street. In the meantime, my thinking spouse was in her car, and driving out our driveway with her window down, calling out for the 2 escapees by using her desperate voice. I quickly jumped in the passenger side of her auto, and we rode around our small neighborhood together for about 5 minutes, searching in vain for our beloved boys. Without a definite plan, we returned home, and my bride started looking around our immediate yard area on foot, armed with a large, z[p-lock baggie full of ice cubes. Next, I boarded my latest Christmas present from our children, a gas-powered, referee-painted, golf cart, parked in the garage. I then began about 15 minutes of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride on this golf cart, that I had barely learned how to drive the previous few weeks. My frantic route took me over the golf course to the east, thru the narrow, green,foliage-lined, golf trails to the north and northeast, and, lastly, down the quiet street in our block. If I recall correctly, I drove this extensive route twice, with my gas pedal-to-the-metal on the small vehicle. Yes, I hit several bumps, navigated a few sharp curves, and probably looked to a viewer like I was possessed by an alien force.

Alas, after probably 15 total minutes of this insane driving activity, I pulled my golf cart back into our garage, just as my bride was coming out the garage door. She helped put my heart back inside my chest, by telling me one of our wonderful neighbors had led our 2 strays back home, and they were inside, recuperating in the air conditioning. At that point, my feet began hurting a WHOLE lot, because they had been ignored in the heat (no pun intended) of the action, but, in reality, they were burned. I needed to recuperate, too, so the dogs and I got in our large bathtub, full of very cold water and ice cubes, soaking together for about 20 minutes. Being young dogs, they soon overcame their overheating, but I limped around for several days, constantly placing soothing creams on my feet, and sitting down a lot.

Oh, and before I forget it, all this particular afternoon exercise was my Happy Birthday celebration to myself! The occasion will be fondly remembered forever in my mind's eye............