Mixing Home and Wildlife Intrusions - Time Out #295

O.K., readers in Our Town and far beyond, here we go!.

1,2,3, let's laugh, or at least, chuckle, a little this week. Are you ready?

Since spring weather has sprung, your faithful, Saturday scribe is going to relate some humorous, and true, home stories, involving various wildlife .

It has been almost 3 years since we moved from Home A to Home B in Our Town, even though the physical location of each dwelling is only about 2 blocks apart "as the crow flies". For the 35 years we lived in Home A, we had some interesting wildlife/critter encounters, but absolutely nothing like we have experienced in the short time we have lived in our new "digs", Home B.

I will merely tell you 5 of our nature/home visits, since our move, during the summer, 2018.

#1) Returning from a vacation, my bride, Lady Deborah, and I entered our home's great room, and noted some scattered debris (chewed wood) around our wooden shutters and window sills. Upon further examination, we were greeted by a rampaging squirrel, quickly dashing from behind a sofa. The next half hour was similar to scenes from the classic movie, "Christmas Vacation"; remember the squirrel totally terrorizing the holiday-celebrating folks? Finally, my bride successfully trapped the bushy-tailed unlawful guest. She transported the squirrel outside, and our exciting issue had been solved! The end result of this episode is we called the fix-it person to make it much more difficult for future squirrels to make their way down our home chimneys, and damage our home's interior!

#2) Our male French bulldog, Spanky, was barking beyond normal in our fenced backyard. My bride, wondering what distraction was causing Spanky to get so upset, walked outside to investigate? When she got near the point-of-attack, she saw Spanky and a huge (as large as Spanky) alligator snapping turtle, attempting to bite each other through our black, wrought-iron fence. Yes, thankfully, the turtle was on the outside, and Spanky was on the inside of the fence! My bride saved the day (and Spanky's nose, etc.) by grabbing a broom off the back patio, and chasing Mr./Mrs. giant turtle away. My wife is usually the brave human in our household, fans.

#3) Attack of the red wasps. This encounter is related to #1) previously described, in that unwanted wasp invasions were also gained through our chimneys. Therefore, the aforementioned fix-it human, had to be summoned again, in order to stop the flying, potentially stinging, insects from continuing to enter our home. Before our problem was solved, usually 1 or 2 wasps per day were gaining entry, and flying around us! While we were waiting on the now-famous fix-it person to save-the-day, my bride had devised a great, safe capture method. She took one of her powerful vacuum cleaners, removed the end fixture, and pointed her machine toward the insects. Quickly, her vacuum sucked the wasps into the machine's dirt-storage area. Yes, my bride is always on her "A game" to outwit the critters!

#4) Involves Spanky again, and again, his loud barking in our backyard. This time, I was the one who answered his call, and I found Spanky covered with snake blood. The unfortunate 3-foot, non-poisonous snake, was lying in pieces, widely scattered in the grass, Spanky had inflicted mortal wounds on the intruder, without getting snake bit. Lucky situation for everyone, except, of course, the snake!

#5) Most recently (March), Spanky and Tux, our male black pug, were both barking loudly in our backyard, shortly after dark. My bride quickly investigated, and immediately summoned me. Noise, noise, noise, inside a gutter-downspout drain. This particular noise was specific to a upset squirrel chattering, and it was extremely loud, meaning, its bushy-tailed owner, was VERY emotional. Guess what; my bride and I were upset, too, and for about 45 minutes, we worked feverishly to separate the downspout from its connection to the ground drain. Finally, we were able to separate the two pipes, and used our bright flashlights to see Mr./Ms Squirrel's face, peering up at us from deep inside the ground drain. I theorize the squirrel had made the long trek through the opening in the ground drain, all the way up to the downspout, and he/she became stuck? Thus, the loud chattering, and, furthermore, our dogs' frantic barking. In order to coax the squirrel to regain freedom, my bride put a glob of peanut butter at the top of the drain. Within an hour, the frightened rodent had vacated the drain, eating the delicious bait/snack, strategically placed by my smart bride.

I am absolutely certain more wildlife vs. human encounters will happen around Our Place. Stay turned for further updates. We won't disappoint you!!